summer sorting

It always seems like the long days of summer are perfect for sorting photographs. I can make messy piles on every surface and no one cares. And if someone stops by, they want to see...themselves!

That was enlightening a year ago when I was meticulously putting pictures in notebooks by year, documenting all that has gone in since bob and I married in 2001. Annuals... That's how I lived it! (And it is helpful to have annual pictures on the wall so I can remember what year we got the cat, when the baby was born, etc.)

Which always jogs the fact that faced with this task when my folks were alive, they opted to dump them all in garbage bags and put them on the curb rather than go through the motions of sorting. I know they thought they were relieving us of the burden, but..... Here is one of the very few we have managed to collect.

SO in thinking about a time the children will have to sort all this.....I realized what they all want are pictures of themselves! Siblings and cousins are nice, but even the "that is soooo embarrassing!" picture become treasures - after enough years. And I plan to live long enough to have those years!

So I reorganized the boxes of loose photos by person. (Have not yet broken up the books...) Then as each child visits we can get out his/her box (and his/her mother's just for fun) and remember.

Now totally digitalized, I guess my next task is a thumb drive of each one. Maybe this summer...or next.

 

Face Time!

I am usually 2-3 steps behind the curve on technology - twitter is dizzying and Instagram a mystery. But Face Time is great! We have a long gap between visit to see grandblessings - they will all be around later in the summer - but Sunday night the Adorables in Iowa FT'd me. I can get carried all over the house, watch the Little Guy shoot baskets, catch up on the Big Girl's summer reading. Even got a glimpse of Dad on Father's Day and Mom arriving home with pizza! For long distance grandparents, it is an easy (believe me!) and wonderful tool!

Not as good a hug, but you can blow kisses!

Graduations and reunions

The Baby - as James will be through his life! - completed Kindergarten this year. That means he will be out of High School in  - oh - 2029? Goodness I hope I get to see that!

More immediate to my thoughts is my own 50 year reunion this weekend. Questions, anticipations - and worries. How different my grandchildren's experiences will be from mine! Carbon paper, mandated skirt length, reading Great Expectations, hot days unrelieved by AC, one dial telephone for the whole family.

Something will be the same even if James is transported in a time machine to his ceremony. Uncertainty about the self, opinions that differ for his folks,' questions about the future, and teachers who no matter how long they have been teaching are "really, really old"!

I hope at the core of who all the children are is a sense of being God' child first - unscarred by words of evaluations of others, but secure in the love of God for each of them, whom
ever they are becoming.
 

Luther Land!

We are headed off to Germany - including the Wittenberg sights. Got my address labels for postcards to the kids!
 

When our lives are histroy

The HS granddaughter called last night - paper due on Friday. She wanted to ask us about The War. You know - the Vietnam War. The one we lived through. The one that shaped our lives and decisions at the time and, for many, for a lifetime. At several points in our relaying our experiences she said, "I read about that in our History book."

Huh.

I guess there are events I lived through worthy of becoming history, but I am still out there making it! Here I am teaching English and visiting temples in Vietnam in Summer 2015!

 

Bonding!

Precious and few are quality moments with the adult children!

I was blessed with two this week. Dinner with my son Brian Currie and his partner Beth Waltz. Then a trip to Iowa where Beth Currie and I tag teamed to get 3 children (we had a bonus friend of the granddaughters) ready for their dance recital rehearsal.







Look for ways to enjoy the adult children as well as the grandchildren this week! Hold those memories close as the reward for all the times we did not sell them on ebay...which of course did not exist in the 70's...

 

Mother's Day

 

With appreciation to the lovely women who share my grandblessings so freely!
 

Young as springtime to old as dirt

So with spring - and putting anything but yoga pants! - came more yoga and healthy eating. Gotta admit - I was feeling more balanced and energetic! Then I visited the grandkids and fell over a (in my defense) very bad crack in the cement! I'd like to think it was graceful but my daughter said the word was "splat"! Nothing broken, hardly grazed, but suddenly I felt ancient and aching. Obviously as we gain wisdom we trade for physical bouncibility!

Lesson learned! Stick with the yoga for balance and healthy eating for resilience. And don't give up walking with the grandchildren out of lack of confidence.



Plus is there anyway to get an infusion of the 6 year olds energy or the 9 year olds balance?

Quality Time

One of the biggest challenges of being a long distance grandparent is that visits are short and intense. No day to day update on Brownies or casual dinners. The nice thing is we are Special and take lots of pictures! The hard parts for me are that I also need time with my daughters (sans grandblessings) and each child is continually vying for attention because the visits go too fast for all of us!

The last few times I have instigated a divide and conquer method - my husband and I request an hour and a half during which the parents can do whatever they want. We set the stove timer. Then I get 30 minutes totally concentrating on one while he takes the other. At 30 minutes (or so...) we swap. the child completely chooses and directs the activity. We will read or play games or puppets or shoot baskets or chase with lasers. Both of us are capable of 30 minutes of anything!

Sometimes with those memories - and tiredness - the kids will bed down quickly, and I get time and wine with the girls.

Last goodbyes

The curtain closes on a life. How to mark that in a meaningful way that comforts and celebrates, not micro managing from the grave but not dumping a lot of hassle and cost on the kids?

Our family had a wonderful example this weekend. My Aunt Libby - the last of her generation - died last November. Cremains were held until this spring - the idea being to let her be part of the earth under a new tree in my cousin's yard. So on Friday the formal service was held in a church none of us knew, but which allowed and encouraged as much family involvement as possible. A grandson sang. Three family members spoke, others had memories read. Two did scripture readings. We were all together.


On Saturday we were all together at my cousins - from age 67 to about 18 months, including little ones age 8, 5, and 4. Before we took out the ashes we talked about people who get old and die, what can happen to their bodies. A few shared memories. Then anyone was invited to put some ashes around the Nana Tree. The children did not hesitate. Most of grownups didn't either.

We had a celebration lunch and an afternoon of talking and laughing and begin grateful to be together. Tons of pictures!

(This in contrast to my own parents funerals which were in a still funeral home, lead by the retirement home chaplain and in which none of us were invited to take part. All very proper and very unrewarding for my sister and me.)

So from this I take away - as far as my planning goes - make (and pay for) the general arrangements - cremation, clergy. Choose 1 or 2 things that are important to you so the kids will feel that your "wishes" are being met. Then let the rest go to whatever feels right for them.

Now I need to write that down somewhere....

Already

I noticed in the tweens and middle grade girls catalog that the body type of the models and the clothing styles are already for the slim and leggy. Leggings, skimpy shorts, teeny tops - how is a normal sized girls supposed to see herself in these? Or see herself if she does not look good in these. I can't imagine that is the majority of girls in this age group! What are we doing?
 

Remembering and Replicating

I only knew one of my grandmothers. She was a gracious lady, but like most of her generation, not very demonstrative. Much as I hug the grandblessings in my life (with varying degrees of response!) as a long distance grandparent it is never enough.

One thing she did do was signed all her letters "All my best love." Those words were precious and I can see her handwriting in my mind some 40+ years later.

Drop your grandchild a card or post card to day and find a special
way to tuck in a hug!

Good article on Grandparenting

http://www.grandparents.com/grandkids/education-and-school/child-brain-development?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=nl871&mc_eid=48739ef081

I would add #6 - tell them the stories you love from the Bible and introduce them to a church where children are valued and engaged.

Blessed Holy Week to you all!

The little old woman and the little old man

Looking at grandparents in children's picture book - we are either sweet knitting/newspaper reading/bird feeders or way out of the rocking chair crazy - big glasses, clashing clothing and unreal toothy grins. There is more variation in how polar bears are drawn! Where are the volunteers, the world travelers, the folks who do not know how to quit working?

This requires action!
 

Kid endorsed!

I am studying 5 picture books a day this month so when I was with the grandkids on a day off from school we went to the library! The 9 year old told me the best picture books were by Patricia Pollaco and she pulled all she could find (after some very clever computer work!). She was right! If you have not looked at picture books these are true stories for older children about tough subjects. Fantastic!

Plus who could not think is a librarian in the making?!

The risk of love

We have two children in the congregation right now with very difficult  health situations. We as adults are being supportive and caring, but is it OK for kids to know about the children in case "something goes wrong"? I offered my grade 2 communion kids the opportunity to pray for one child - it happens they had seen him baptized since our lesson that day fit in.  Now he has a post surgical infection. What if....? The other boy is in grade 1 and battles leukemia.  How long....?

I risked inviting the kids to pray, knowing that as a community we will not suspend our support if things get worse. There is a risk in loving, caring, praying. But what better place to learn and be exposed to grief and loss than the church?

We will move forward in hope and prayer.

Just back...

This is our 15th anniversary year (Geezer love!) and the best gift we could give ourselves was time with family. We rented a big house in AZ for 2 weeks and told the family 6 months ago, anyone can come anytime! (If I had informed them of the date of Easter, many would be "Unavailable...!") Suddenly every calendar got an opening! All siblings, two of the four children, and all 5 grandchildren spent part of the time with us. Intergeneration bonding, new adventures, lots of talk and laughter. Best gift ever!

Not everyone can travel to the warm in winter, but even a local destination with a fun family event can be an attraction! A splash park or amusement park overnight, a weekend house at the lake,  a little travel and a lot of fun!

Remembering Important events

Kids never fail to remember their birthdays!

But as a Christian grandparent I try to remember other dates, too, especially baptism. Each year I made a simple card with a picture of their baptism on the front and a recent picture of them inside. It takes less than 5 minutes but reminds them (and their parents) of whose child they really are - a precious child of God.

 

Our children and OUR children

Of course the most important grandbabes in the world to me are the 5 that carry some DNA and tons of family memories. But I see many other children, and it is good for all of us "elders" to stay in touch with the young.

Many weeks I read on Wednesday and Thursdays to preschoolers - one group at St. mark's preschool in Glen Ellyn (a very well off neighborhood) and one Headstart  group at a community center across from apartments where many new immigrants reside. Once a year I travel to a developing country to work with children learning to speak English. In both Tanzania and India these were preschoolers as well. In every group there are engaged kids and bored ones, cooperative and distracted, happy and hungry and anxious to please the adults. Four year olds are much more directed by the fact of being four than of their situation in life, their clothing and food, their home life or faith life.

All these children are "mine" in the sense that I have some small thing to share - English - that can make their lives better. It is my responsibility and joy to do that.

What are your gifts? Surely someone can do more than talk  (which turns out after 60 years to be my only talent...) How can you use that to bless more than just your DNA,


but the children everywhere who can benefit from your caring?

Links in the family chain

As grandparents we have a golden opportunity to keep diverse family members linked.



One natural way is at holidays. Our family puts the emphasis on Thanksgiving together and leave Christmas for kids to spend on their own or with other family. Cooking is shared and laughter abounds!

While siblings (or step siblings) may not be ready to spend time together, the next generation of cousins are usually willing to do anything fun with grandparents and whoever else shows up. This summer I am going to coordinate the 9 year old girl from Iowa with the 10 year old boy from Michigan.

The other link we foster is the intergenerational one. This month I am using the opportunity of a sibling's 60 birthday to include the young teen granddaughters in the event. So the spa day will include women ages 13-76!

And the benefits of aunts and uncles to children is one more link we can foster. Later this month we rented a big house and invited any family who want to visit to come and say as long as they want. the bedroom use coordination required a spread sheet, but I anticipate a lot of laughs!

All I can offer are opportunities - and food!