Remembering Important events

Kids never fail to remember their birthdays!

But as a Christian grandparent I try to remember other dates, too, especially baptism. Each year I made a simple card with a picture of their baptism on the front and a recent picture of them inside. It takes less than 5 minutes but reminds them (and their parents) of whose child they really are - a precious child of God.

 

Our children and OUR children

Of course the most important grandbabes in the world to me are the 5 that carry some DNA and tons of family memories. But I see many other children, and it is good for all of us "elders" to stay in touch with the young.

Many weeks I read on Wednesday and Thursdays to preschoolers - one group at St. mark's preschool in Glen Ellyn (a very well off neighborhood) and one Headstart  group at a community center across from apartments where many new immigrants reside. Once a year I travel to a developing country to work with children learning to speak English. In both Tanzania and India these were preschoolers as well. In every group there are engaged kids and bored ones, cooperative and distracted, happy and hungry and anxious to please the adults. Four year olds are much more directed by the fact of being four than of their situation in life, their clothing and food, their home life or faith life.

All these children are "mine" in the sense that I have some small thing to share - English - that can make their lives better. It is my responsibility and joy to do that.

What are your gifts? Surely someone can do more than talk  (which turns out after 60 years to be my only talent...) How can you use that to bless more than just your DNA,


but the children everywhere who can benefit from your caring?

Links in the family chain

As grandparents we have a golden opportunity to keep diverse family members linked.



One natural way is at holidays. Our family puts the emphasis on Thanksgiving together and leave Christmas for kids to spend on their own or with other family. Cooking is shared and laughter abounds!

While siblings (or step siblings) may not be ready to spend time together, the next generation of cousins are usually willing to do anything fun with grandparents and whoever else shows up. This summer I am going to coordinate the 9 year old girl from Iowa with the 10 year old boy from Michigan.

The other link we foster is the intergenerational one. This month I am using the opportunity of a sibling's 60 birthday to include the young teen granddaughters in the event. So the spa day will include women ages 13-76!

And the benefits of aunts and uncles to children is one more link we can foster. Later this month we rented a big house and invited any family who want to visit to come and say as long as they want. the bedroom use coordination required a spread sheet, but I anticipate a lot of laughs!

All I can offer are opportunities - and food!


 

Listen to me!

As fascinating as all our individual technology is, families are more important.

That sound like a no rained, but consider your last family gatherings. It was not only the kids with noses in the phones, pads and boxes, it was the adults texting some thigh that could not wait and the AARP crowd were crushing candy and playing scrabble with friends. Really those little devices are mind filling! Plus I can text and talk at the same time...

But no one can keep an eye on the electronics and LISTEN at the same time. Listening requires eye contact and a mind clear of our own agendas. Listening means we do not even prepare our next comment while the person is speaking. We remember how to do it! Let's be the leaders in bringing it back.

Dinner at Grandparents can be TV and tech free! At Thanksgiving we actually gathered all the cell phone in one place and took a picture. Then dared people to leave them! Not everyone "could" but some us formed a impromptu band and others gravitated to the basketball court.

It starts with us - listening, exchanging ideas, waiting for thoughts to be completed. People who are listened to feel more valued that winning Tetrus!

The Whole Holiday Package

Grandparenting has a push-me-pull-you quality this time of year that some younger generation they envy.

If you officially now the oldest generation, there are the memories of long ago, some nostalgia watching old movies, maybe a sigh as you unpack the last of the Christmas ornaments off your growing-up tree.

And there is the excitement of the newest generation - the true faith in presents that appear magically, the real pain of waiting for the big day.

 In between are our kids - we watch them maneuver through the parenting years and juggle it all as we did. And now we don't. We watch more than do.

Tears, smiles, laughter, sighs, memories. Let them all come and fully be present in whatever place you are in.



May the hope, peace, joy and love of a new baby in Bethlehem be yours this Christmas.

When things are not so "grand"

Where is the magic wand I was supposed to get when the children and grandchildren were born that would protect them from job loss or heartache or illness? I don't mean the B on the report card, but cancer, divorce, moving into a friend's basement. When grandparenting is not so grand and I realize that begin emotionally involved did not end with toilet training or the wedding day!

The hardest thing we who have amassed volumes of experience is to not give advice unless it is asked for. We have time and access to the internet to look up symptoms and lawyers, but the timing of those helpful words is critical. And the right time to mention things is when it is needed and wanted. There is no way we can really know what is going on with the doctor or the settlement negotiations or even the second grade teacher.

What we can do is move prayer up the list of our activities! Don't save prayer for when all else fails.  Instead make it the default first step. Pray not only for the situation and the person, but for strength to listen and listen and listen with complete confidence that, having done our best, we can trust the next generation to make the right decision for that moment in their lives. And if things change and there is a different decision, we will support that.

Keep the support generous and communications open. A year from now, two years from now....

 

Gifting

This year I read some good gifting advice: give children 1 thing they want, 1 thing they need, 1 book and 1 article of clothing. Spend the rest of the time you would be shopping or wrapping, playing board games and being together.

Sounds really good! It has pretty much been my strategy for years. Then as the grandkids age, they get gift cards in Middle School and cash beyond that.

But I still love the catalog marking event...