The curtain closes on a life. How to mark that in a meaningful way that comforts and celebrates, not micro managing from the grave but not dumping a lot of hassle and cost on the kids?
Our family had a wonderful example this weekend. My Aunt Libby - the last of her generation - died last November. Cremains were held until this spring - the idea being to let her be part of the earth under a new tree in my cousin's yard. So on Friday the formal service was held in a church none of us knew, but which allowed and encouraged as much family involvement as possible. A grandson sang. Three family members spoke, others had memories read. Two did scripture readings. We were all together.
On Saturday we were all together at my cousins - from age 67 to about 18 months, including little ones age 8, 5, and 4. Before we took out the ashes we talked about people who get old and die, what can happen to their bodies. A few shared memories. Then anyone was invited to put some ashes around the Nana Tree. The children did not hesitate. Most of grownups didn't either.
We had a celebration lunch and an afternoon of talking and laughing and begin grateful to be together. Tons of pictures!
(This in contrast to my own parents funerals which were in a still funeral home, lead by the retirement home chaplain and in which none of us were invited to take part. All very proper and very unrewarding for my sister and me.)
So from this I take away - as far as my planning goes - make (and pay for) the general arrangements - cremation, clergy. Choose 1 or 2 things that are important to you so the kids will feel that your "wishes" are being met. Then let the rest go to whatever feels right for them.
Now I need to write that down somewhere....
Our family had a wonderful example this weekend. My Aunt Libby - the last of her generation - died last November. Cremains were held until this spring - the idea being to let her be part of the earth under a new tree in my cousin's yard. So on Friday the formal service was held in a church none of us knew, but which allowed and encouraged as much family involvement as possible. A grandson sang. Three family members spoke, others had memories read. Two did scripture readings. We were all together.
On Saturday we were all together at my cousins - from age 67 to about 18 months, including little ones age 8, 5, and 4. Before we took out the ashes we talked about people who get old and die, what can happen to their bodies. A few shared memories. Then anyone was invited to put some ashes around the Nana Tree. The children did not hesitate. Most of grownups didn't either.
We had a celebration lunch and an afternoon of talking and laughing and begin grateful to be together. Tons of pictures!
(This in contrast to my own parents funerals which were in a still funeral home, lead by the retirement home chaplain and in which none of us were invited to take part. All very proper and very unrewarding for my sister and me.)
So from this I take away - as far as my planning goes - make (and pay for) the general arrangements - cremation, clergy. Choose 1 or 2 things that are important to you so the kids will feel that your "wishes" are being met. Then let the rest go to whatever feels right for them.
Now I need to write that down somewhere....
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